© everlark

Where do you go from here? 

[[Where Do I Go From Here?]]

Truth to be told, ever since the incident with the fire you’ve never been the same. Maybe there was one more casualty that you never awknowleged. 

Your own death.

Not a physical one. No no. You’ve been in perfect physical health even after you witched and miraculously saved from the irreversible transformation.

After you remembered the fire, you snapped and set fire to everything you could see. Had Drunksy not saved your butt from legal repercussions  you’d be in prison serving multiple life sentences from your crimes. Or in some places, multiple death sentences.

But it seems like that you’re losing steam. You try to be the happy and impulsive catgirl, the jester that brought laughs and love to the people who needed it most. You’ve served your job well. You were the pillar that everyone could count on in hopeless times. You talked many to deal with their misfortune and cheered them up with the lessons you’ve learned. Without a doubt, at least a few people will never forget you.

Nobody is truly impervious to everything life throws at them. You fooled yourself into believing that wasn’t true. You conqured your own insecurities with the help of many friends, but there was one dear friend who always stayed beside you, who most of all supported you. Without your darling Lushie-Poo, you’d never be the same today. You thought you could handle everything now that you had dramatically changed. 

Funny how one terrible incident can trigger a dramatic change in a person. How the world can keep on going, as if that great calamity had never happened. Why should it stop? It doesn’t affect them. But in your world, nothing was ever the same again. That strong catgirl you used to be would be sad for a time, but she’d get over it with cuddles and creative swearing. Not the person you are now.

It’s not like you’re suicial or anything. Mab, no!

You want to retire from being a magical girl. You can’t do it anymore. You’re burnt out from life. You’ve crashed after your months long high. You’re not the same anymore. It’s time to stop acting and show who you really are. Maybe it’s time for a nickname change. It would be stunningly appropriate for the change you’ve gone though. Dawn? No. That was the other you who clung to her troubles.

Maybe you should become human. Give up all this nonsense. The glorious fights, the emotional stakes, the dramatic moments. You can’t enjoy it anymore. You can’t be everyone’s strong, protective, wise older sister anymore. 

You’ve been taught much by the multiverse. You’ve learned to love, learned to cry, learned to show affection, learned to care, learned to fight. But that fire within you has been quenched. And now, you’ll lose everything you gained except for the lessons you’ve learned. You’re sure of it. You’re not Dusky anymore. You’re someone else. Not the bubbly catgirl they fell in love with.

It’s better this way for yourself to just stay in Drunksy’s world. She and her friends won’t leave you even after you’ve changed. 

There’s a small part you that doesn’t want to give up. And you’re inclined to listen to it. But there’s an ever bigger part of you that wants to just toss everything to the wind and become human. Retreat back to the comforting world, where the only problems you had were worrying about Drunksy. Not about you getting turned into a killing machine against your will, saying horrid words to Jay, hurting Inkit and being the cause behind her gutting that human child just to spite you.

You want to die. You can’t give up on life, though. Killing yourself would hurt everyone, and you’re sure you can pick up the pieces from all this.

However you probably won’t be as much as an insufferable smartass as you were before. That much is clear.